Friday, 26 September 2014

Scattered

I've been feeling so good lately. Wholesome, strong, independent.

Today I feel broken down and scattered. The occasional sunlight coming throuh my window annoys me (I can't see what I'm doing on the computer). I'm trying to distract my mind with reading course literature, but I find myself drifting off, gazing off into the distance. I feel like a victim of outer circumstances, exactly what I've been trying not to be. It's been going so well until today. There's a heavy feeling in my chest and tears stuck in my throat.

What's even the point in trying to be strong when I'm apparently made of glass and break into a thousand pieces as soon as someone swoops me down on the floor?

Note to myself today:
"An emotion is only an emotion. It's just a small part of your whole being. You are much more than your emotion. An emotion comes, stays for a while, and goes away, just like a storm. If you're aware of that, you won't be afraid of your emotions."

- Thích Nhât Hanh

Also:
"Sometimes recovery is waking up early to write in coffee shops and practicing yoga and eating lots of fruit and chocolate and sometimes it's staying in bed all day and hiding from the world until you can stop crying. All of this is ok. What's important is that you take care of yourself no matter what kind of day you're having."

- Unknown Tumblr user

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