Friday, 6 December 2013

Many, many thoughts about the future

I've had a bit of a bad week, emotionally I mean. I don't know why, but I've just been feeling really low and tired, work has been exhausting. I had today off anyway, which I really needed. I hope it's only temporary and that I will feel better soon. I'm sure I will.

But I'm thinking that this town and this job has started to wear me down. And that's why I feel I'll probably not stay here for longer than through the summer. I think I'll probably go back to studying in Uppsala. This was what I was thinking about that night when I couldn't sleep, if you recall? That day I had looked at different programs I might want to go to.

I don't think I necessarily realised this at the time, but I think one of the reasons I fled out of the country was because the prospect of going into working life was getting closer and that scared me a little bit. I know it sounds very contradictive that my fear of work made me quit studying and go off and work, but hear me out. The thing is, I have no idea how to go about working in the field I was planning on going into. A lot of translators are freelancers. I don't know how to be a freelancer! And it just felt like a scary thing to do, not having that constant income every month, going to work five days a week, every week. I don't know how else to do it.

But now I've started to think that sort of job might actually suit me quite well. You know, being your own boss, choosing your own working times and all that. Because something I really don't like about working this sort of job I'm doing now is that I miss out on fun things I want to do because I'm working. I mean I'm aware that's just a part of life, sometimes you can't do everything you want to. But I just work so many evenings, and I don't like that. When I was studying, I barely ever studied in the evenings. I got all my studying done in the day so I could do fun stuff or relax in the evenings. So even if I turn out getting a regular 9-5 job, I think I'd like that better than what I'm doing now.

And I am a very disciplined person too. I think that's one of the reasons studying suits me so well, and why I've always been good in school. Especially studying my sort of subject at uni means you have to plan your time yourself, because there's not much time in classes. And I've never really been stressed out about studying, because I work well when I have deadlines. I look at what I need to do and how much time I have to do it, and I plan it out so I'll make it in time.

What this little adventure has done for me though, is that I've got a feeling that I can really do anything I set my mind to. I got the idea in my head that I wanted to go to London and find a job. And I did. So if I want to study languages and work with that in some way (not really sure in what way exactly yet), then I will. So what if I don't know how you actually go about working in that field, I'll just have to find out, right?

Wow, this turned out to be a freaking essay, didn't it? If you've read everything so far, congratulations! Just a few last things before I let you go though. I'm actually thinking of doing a master's in Swedish when I get back. I just really enjoyed studying Swedish the past year in Uppsala, more so than English. It made me appreciate my own language so much more. I think I'd really like working with my own langauge in some way, maybe as a language consultant or something. I'm not sure, but we'll see anyway.

Also, today I spent waay too much time in bed, as I usually do when I'm off work. Especially since I've been feeling kind of out of it this week. But eventually I had a shower, got dressed, went outside and the weather was gorgeous, and I started feeling better immediately. I need to remember that it really doesn't take much for me to cheer up, so whenever I'm feeling down I should just get out of the house. I went to the post office and got a parcel that my mum sent me which made me really happy. And later tonight I'm going to Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park with some people. So you know, it's all really not too bad over here.

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