When I started feeling hesitant towards the translation program, it was like it triggered all these other questions popping up in my head. Really big, probably unanswerable questions like What is the meaning of life? you know, those kind of questions. I used to say to my friends kind of jokingly that I was in a life crisis, but I think I actually was (and maybe still am).
I just felt really anxious thinking that I would finish the translation program, start working, and that's what I was supposed to do for the rest of my life? I literally felt sick thinking about it. But I have thought about this a little bit for the last couple of days, and I think I might have come to some sort of conclusion. Maybe you don't have to decide on what you want to do for 'the rest of your life'. I mean, why do you always have to plan ahead? Of course it's good to have some sort of plan, but if you take it too far you might miss out on life as it is right now.
Maybe you should just strive for doing what feels right at the moment, at this particular time of your life? And when you don't want to do that anymore, you do something else. Maybe it's just that simple?
In that case, I guess I'm doing the exact right thing right now. And when I come to think of it, I have always done whatever I want to do at the moment, and I have maybe changed tracks a couple of times. When I was 16, I did a lot of horse riding, and I really wanted to work with horses. So I got into a school with a focus on horse care and horse riding, where I did work practice at different places in Sweden, and I even went to Ireland to work at a stable for two weeks. But then I decided that was not for me, and after graduating I started studying languages at university.
And now, that doesn't feel completely right anymore either. So I'll do something else, at least for a while. I might come back and continue with the plan I had from the beginning. Or maybe I'll realise I want to do something completely different. Either way, I really feel like this is the right thing for me to do at this time of life.